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Acquired Needs

We went to register for baby items today and we both felt kind of overwhelmed.  The store will of course give you a list of everything they think you need for the baby and believe me it is huge.  If you are frugal by nature and a bit suspicious of any “helpful” lists supplied to you by people trying to sell you something you might find yourself in a bit of a panic trying to figure out what you actually need, which we were.  Some of the items were frightening and depressing, and I’m talkin’ to you, breast pump.  Just try to feel dignified and in control of your parental destiny with an electric milking machine staring you in the face.

Nemesis

On the box is a picture of a gently smiling woman, shown from the waist up, completely strapped into this device.  I started to feel a little hysterical for a moment.

Things got better from that point but I spent a lot of time pointing out the totally unnecessary stuff to Jason.  They’d love to sell you baby towels where we registered.  They may be cute but I’m pretty sure the towels I have will dry off a baby.  If they are good enough for the cats…

Here’s another little gem:

Baby bath thermometer

In case you’ve lost all sense of feeling in your hands and body.  My mother used the inside of her wrist and none of us were ever admitted to the hospital.  The baby industry will play upon your sense of uncertainty and fear as much as you will let them.  Yes, babies have more delicate skin but they were bathed in safety for thousands of years before anyone ever tried to sell this guy.  He looks kind of shifty anyway.  I don’t think I’d let him in the bath with a consenting adult, let alone a baby.

Admittedly, I have no child at present.  I have a bun in the oven and a lot of high-handed theoretical parenting notions.  However, like most novices, I’m convinced I know better about some things.  And like the couch-bound football coaches of the world I will keep yelling at the TV screen until I’m blue in the face because I’ve got conviction, baby.  And I’m not going to spend one dime more than I have to on my precious, precious baby.

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